Convict #3: Charlie the Calm One
Both men turned to the third convict, who had been quietly observing them with a faint smile.
The man leaned back against the metal wall of the van. “Name’s Charlie.”
“And?” Benny pressed.
“And I’m here because I stole a loaf of bread.”
They stared at him.
“A loaf of bread?” Alfred repeated.
“Yes.”
“One loaf?” Benny asked.
“Yes.”
Charlie smiled serenely. “I wish I were.”
“For stealing bread?” Benny said. “How many years?”
“Ten.”
The van went quiet.
Things Don’t Add Up
“Ten years,” Alfred said slowly, “for bread.”
“Yes.”
“And I got seven for paperwork,” Benny added.
Charlie nodded. “Justice is a beautiful thing.”
Benny squinted at him. “Okay, you’re leaving something out.”
Charlie sighed. “Fine. I stole the bread… repeatedly.”
“How repeatedly?” Alfred asked.
“Every day.”
“For how long?” Benny asked.
“Ten years.”
Alfred blinked. “So… you stole bread for ten years straight?”
“Yes.”
“And no one noticed?” Benny asked.
Charlie shrugged. “I wore a hat.”
The Guard Joins In
At that moment, the guard driving the van spoke up for the first time. “You guys mind if I jump in?”
The convicts exchanged glances.
“Sure,” Benny said. “Misery loves company.”
The guard chuckled. “You think your sentences are unfair? Last week I arrested a guy for jaywalking.”
Alfred groaned. “How long did he get?”
“Life,” the guard said.
The three convicts stared at him.
“Kidding,” the guard laughed. “But you should’ve seen his face.”
Charlie smiled. “See? Sense of humor. That’s what keeps us going.”
Prison Philosophy
As the van rolled on, the conversation grew more philosophical.
“You know,” Alfred said, “this really says something about the system.”
Benny nodded. “Yeah. Do things honestly, you get punished for mistakes. Do things creatively, you get punished for ambition.”
Charlie smiled softly. “And steal bread long enough, you become consistent.”
They all laughed.
“Maybe prison is just a place for people who didn’t read the fine print,” Benny said.
“Or who trusted computers too much,” Alfred added.
“Or who really liked sandwiches,” Charlie concluded.
The Twist
The van finally slowed as the prison gates came into view—tall, gray, and unforgiving.
The guard pulled over and turned around. “Alright, gentlemen. Before we go in, last question. If you could go back, would you do anything differently?”
Alfred sighed. “I’d double-check my zeros.”
Benny nodded. “I’d hire a better accountant.”
They both looked at Charlie.
He smiled. “I’d steal butter too.”
Moral of the Joke
As the doors opened and the convicts stepped out, Alfred shook his head. “You know what the real joke is?”
“What?” Benny asked.
“That none of us are violent criminals.”
Charlie chuckled. “Nope. Just victims of math, paperwork, and carbohydrates.”
The guard laughed as he led them inside. “Welcome to prison, gentlemen—where the punishment never fits the crime, but the stories are always good.”
And that, folks, is the joke of the day.
